"It is finished"

The Barber family has lived out its Good Friday.

Little Gabriel Barber was born, whole, perfectly in tact, lifeless, yet beautiful at home today.

I labored with contractions for a few hours until 11am and then quickly and painlessly delivered our little baby boy (we're pretty sure it was a boy, but he was so small and delicate, we couldn't look very close to investigate. Michael believes he saw boy parts...but even if we are mistaken, Gabriel can be a girl's name too). We wrapped him in a blue towel and laid him in our room.

Fr. Michael, our parish priest, one of the most wonderful priests we could ever know, helped us make arrangements with the local mortuary who will hold his body until we are able to make arrangements for a small burial. We are hoping to bury him where we already have family. Even though we know his soul is no longer with his body, we feel comfort by him not being in a cemetery all alone.

Seriously, the goodness, compassion and love we received from Fr. Michael and the woman in charge of bereavement at our parish, Blanquita, could not be overstated. Fr. Michael, on Good Friday, one of the busiest times of the year for a priest, made the necessary phone calls with the funeral home on our behalf, knowing he would have an easier time getting through than we would.

Since I had to go to the hospital due to having more bleeding after the delivery than my doctor would have liked, we could not bring him to the funeral home before 4:30pm. By that time, they had already closed. When she couldn't get through by phone, Blanquita dropped what she was doing and drove over to the home in person to see if they were still open.

We couldn't bring Gabriel to the mortuary today, so Fr. Michael prayed with us, blessed the baby, and took him to the rectory so we would know he was in a safe place, but so we wouldn't have the emotional hardship of having him home. He said he will light a candle for him tonight and keep vigil for us until tomorrow, when again, he will drop his plans for however long needed, and go with us to take Gabriel to the mortuary for safekeeping.

Fr. Peter, Michael's uncle, was also supporting us all day through his constant prayer and his immediate answer to our questions, despite his busy Good Friday schedule.

Of course, our siblings and our parents were a constant source of love and strength. We deeply appreciate their help watching the kids, making plans to be with us for appointments next week, phone calls, messages, and of course their constant prayer.

We also thank my grandparents as well for their prayer and for GG's phone calls in the midst of all this to show love and support. Especially since GG knows the pain of delivering a baby who was not alive.

Little Gabriel is so loved by not only his parents and his brothers, but by his whole family and those in the broader family of our Church.

We are so grateful to God for a peaceful and uneventful delivery. Under the circumstances, things could not have gone more smoothly for us. We love and miss our little baby and our day has been punctuated by moments of sorrow when we think about what it would have been like to have him join our other boys' crazy little clan. We were full of sadness as we drove him to the Church to give him to Fr. Michael knowing this would be the last car ride with him. We are constantly reminded that we are no longer preparing for his coming in October as we have been accustomed to doing for the past 3 months.

Gabriel had to do nothing to earn our love. He didn't have to coo or smile, or having a great birth, or grab our finger or anything. He just simply had to exist in order to have our complete love, which he had since the day we knew I was pregnant. He was loved so very, very much and we will never forget our little one in Heaven waiting for us to be with him. It is a beautiful reminder of God's love for us: unearned and freely given. He loves us simply because we exist and because we are His children.

Lastly, we are so grateful this happened on Good Friday. The day to unite our suffering with our Lord. The day when we have the company of Mary who also buried her Son on this day. It was the perfect day to reflect on death, and the hope of new life. It was the perfect day to know God is with us in our suffering.

It has been a whirlwind. Exactly 24 hours after we found out he was no longer alive, I gave birth to him. This is not how we expected this week to go. But its swiftness has been a blessing, and God has given us the grace to grieve together for him, and to look on our little boys that are healthy and alive with such deep love and appreciation, knowing in a real way how very fragile life is.

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...blessed be the Lord!" (Job 1:21).