Dear Readers

Tomorrow will be a week since we found out we lost Gabriel, and Friday will be a week since his delivery. I wanted to update you all on a few things and then comment on the direction of this blog afterwards.

* We are still working out the details of his burial, but those are starting to fall into place too. His little baby casket is being delivered on Friday. It is appropriate for his size instead of the one we could buy at the mortuary that is for a fully-developed baby. I feel happier knowing he will be resting in something that is a little more cozy. I don't know why.

* I am healing very well and have had absolutely no complications, thanks be to God.

*Whether he likes it or not, Gabriel is in charge of praying for pregnant moms, and for husband and wives hoping to be pregnant. This is the case for several reasons: 1) We have full confidence in the mercy of God, and that Gabriel is in Heaven. That being the case, and being not bound by time, he has lots of opportunities to pray for people. So that's what he's doing, and I don't want him to feel bored, so he has an assignment. 2) In salvation history, the archangel Gabriel announced to the Virgin Mary that she was to conceive and bear a son: Jesus Christ. Since St. Gabriel is our little Gabriel's patron saint, I thought it would be appropriate if Gabriel pray for couples hoping to conceive and receive announcements of their own of an upcoming baby. 3) Praying for couples hoping to conceive (and of course that those babies be kept safe in their mother's wombs!) is something our family has done for years. So while we pray for those intentions during each Mass and before each bedtime, Gabriel is keeping up with our family tradition. 4) I'm still Gabriel's mom and that's the assignment I've given him so I know he'll do it.

* Michael and Matthew are keeping me busy and keeping me laughing. They also have been unusually sweet and obedient lately. I think our little intercessor is doing a good job. Seeing Mumma and Papa, and Grammy and Poppi over the past few days I am sure didn't bother them a bit either.

*At the last update, we still hadn't taken Gabriel to the mortuary. On Saturday morning, Fr. Michael met us at the Church and drove with us, spoke to the people there with us, and then joined us for lunch afterwards. All of this on the day before Easter when the Church was bustling preparing for one of the busiest weekends of the year. He also kept Gabriel with him from Friday to Saturday, lit a candle for him, prayed a Rosary for him, and kept him next to him while he worked on his Easter homily. When we saw him Saturday morning, Fr. Michael had put the container (the mortuary told us we needed to put Gabriel's remains in a plastic container for them to be able to receive him...it felt a little dehumanizing shuffling through my Tupperware drawer and I still hate the sight of Tupperware). We did our best to add a little dignity to the situation: We wrapped Gabriel's body in a little blanket, and placed him in the container, and then wrapped the container in a baby blanket.

But when we saw Fr. Michael on Saturday, he had put the container in a small, beautiful, wooden chest. Placed a Rosary and a crucifix in the chest, and then gave him a leather-bound New Testament to go with him on top of the chest. He said, since he was a Barber, he would have to study the Bible. Fr. Michael is amazing and though he was already very dear to our family, we will never be able to articulate the depth of gratitude and love we have for him and how supportive he was in this time. He is a truly compassionate man and an amazing priest.

* We are still going through our times of grief, but the raw emotion of it all is subsiding and we are settling into our new reality.

This brings me to my comment about the direction of this blog. It is hard for me to make a transition from the events of the past week, to going back and posting about the silly antics of Matthew and MIchael. I feel like if I spend all my time hashing and rehashing the events of this week, it will not be healthy. I don't even really have anything new to add to what I have said. Our grief is still present and we still talk about it everyday, but this stage of the process is not really suitable for public display, but finds its appropriate place in the quiet of personal conversation.

So, torn between just moving on and posting silly things again, as if I am forgetting about Gabriel on the one hand, and no longer posting silly things because they might make someone think we are forgetting about what happened and not giving its fully gravity on the other...I feel like I am going to continue to move the blog forward in the same tone you would find us if you visited our home. You will find two crazy boys who do crazy things and say funny things and have their funny little way about them; and you will find a mom and a dad who can still stop and laugh and enjoy and be silly with them and each other. But if you visited, you will still also find us talking about Gabriel, about what's new with preparing for his burial, about how we are doing, etc. But we are also not solely focused on that because life keeps going forward.

In the next few days, expect a post about Michael and Matthew and back to the day to day functions of the house. And if I remember to charge my camera and look for the cable to put the pictures into my computer, I may even spoil you with a few shots of their goofiness. And maybe a few days after that, you can expect another post on how things are going preparing for laying Gabriel's body to rest. I don't know what I'll be in the mood for writing.

I just wanted to ease myself (and my loyal band of readers...whoever you are, and you MUST be loyal after all the hiatuses I have taken!) back into life as we know it, Michael, Matthew, Gabriel and all.