Late Night Shenanigans

It has been quite some time since we have had the boys share their bedroom.

The transition went much more smoothly than expected and after only a few nights of taking forever to go to sleep, the boys learned to go to sleep rather quickly without disturbing the other one. In fact, we could put them in their beds at around 7:15 and know that at least one of them would be asleep by about 7:30 or 7:40...and if the other were awake, he would be laying quietly in his bed.

About a week ago, I rearranged the kids' room so that both beds were along the same wall, allowing a fairly large space on the left side of the room.

I thought that since the boys had spent so much time in the same room prior to this, bringing them just a few feet closer would not be much of a big deal.

I was wrong.

For the past several nights (excluding the time we were traveling), Michael and Matthew have been completely distracted with each other at bedtime. They hit the walls and laugh and laugh...they throw stuffed animals, among other things.

Thanks to our trusty video monitor which we still love (who wouldn't like to spy on their kids?), we can peek in at their antics. We often see them stretching their hands out and holding hands across the gap between their beds. I'm sure it's much more mischievous than it appears because it appears downright adorable...but I'm sure there is some finger squeezing or twisting or something.

After a while, someone will inevitably end up crying, so we go in there and discover that even the pacifiers have criss-crossed cribs. Michael will be clutching Matthew's pacifier, and Matthew will be looking at Michael's wondering what to do with it.

This goes on and on for about an hour...sometimes more. Finally, someone will fall asleep leaving the other staring at the opposite bed, waiting hopefully that the game isn't over. Eventually, the second one will put his head down and reluctantly drift off to sleep.

It is a riot to watch, but also just a touch frustrating, especially when one of them is sick and really needing to sleep, or when they keep beating up the walls, especially since our neighbors can probably feel it through the walls.

It seems the brothers are really bonding. Not only at night, but even throughout the day, they really love each other and enjoy their time together. For the past several days, Michael has been obsessed with hugging Matthew saying, "I love you, little Matthew." It is so sweet.

The other day, Michael even went to Matthew and spontaneously said to him, "I'm getting used to having you around" and then he barreled into him giving him a big hug. Now, I was pretty taken aback at where on earth Michael got that phrase from, until Michael Sr reminded me it was from one of the stories we read to them. Still...it was in perfect context and perfectly heartfelt.

We love our boys and are enjoying seeing their relationship grow!

Michael Pictures!

How Jesus Flies...

Michael has a book of airplanes and he was reading it in bed during quiet time. When I walked in there, he was on the page with this airplane and said, "Jesus's airplane!"

Indisputable Proof

Some say religion is just an opiate...things people make up to make them feel good when they are down.

But those people were not in my living room today. If they were, they would know that God is real and not just a psychological concoction.

Over the past few months, we have been dealing with temper tantrums. It's just the age, and Michael is just a passionate little boy. I don't fault him. But boy, it can be draining.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of something falling on the ground that causes a complete and utter meltdown.

Sometimes the cause are less trivial, but normally, it's the little things that set Michael off in a big way.

Sometimes, it's just a snowball effect that, even after being in a perfectly pleasant mood, something pulls a trigger and every little thing, even opening or closing a door can make him go into a fury.

As these have been happening pretty regularly for a while now, I'm becoming pretty good at being immune and not getting sucked in. Sometimes, it's hard not to laugh because it's just so completely irrational to be that upset over such a small thing, and it's just kind of funny how ridiculous it all is.

Sometimes, though, it really raises the blood pressure and ignites a spark in me.

Fortunately, I'm learning that there is absolutely nothing I can do to calm him down except be calm myself. As much as I want to lecture him on good behavior. As much as I want to look him in the eyes and explain that this is not a big deal, as much as I want to threaten some lost privilege if he doesn't snap out of it, most of the time, those things don't work.

His dad has a way with him that usually can bring him out of it pretty well. Either by making him laugh or something, but for me, I'm not so skilled, and I just have to ride it out.

Meanwhile, I'm growing increasingly sensitive to the thinness of the walls and windows in our apartment complex. With as high a volume as Michael can get to, and as frequently as these things happen, it can be very humbling to see neighbors around and to know that they can hear pretty much every decibel of Michael's misgivings, and they don't have the luxury of seeing just how trivial it usually is. Sometimes, I want to run outside and yell, "I'm not beating him! I promise! The Cheerios just fell out of the bowl. I repeat: This is just a matter of spilled Cheerios!" Because honestly, if I heard Michael wailing and didn't know what was going on, I would think there was some unusual form of torture taking place.

Now, I'm starting to just deal with this situation with "lap lockdowns" where I hold him on my lap while he is in his tantrum and quietly tell him, "When you calm down, I'll let you go." That usually works eventually, but we often have to go through a good deal of a fight before he calms down. Sometimes, he has to "max out" his angst and reach some peak before he can settle down. But at least there is the benefit of me being able to hold him, and ease him down, without just abandoning him to his tantrum alone in a room (trust me, I've used this tactic too, but sometimes, I feel bad about isolating him when what he really needs is assistance in managing his runaway emotions).

The other benefit is that when he does calm down, he actually sinks into my lap and kind of rests for a few minutes. So what started as a form of restraint ends up as a hug without any real change on my part, but really just on his. As he calms down, he doesn't fight the lap, but actually is comforted by it.

But today, lap lockdown worked for a bit, only to lead to him being set off the handle by any little given thing time after time. After enough screaming, Matthew is finally perturbed enough to have to chime in. When Michael would scream, so would Matthew and now I'm really expecting some investigator from CPS to show up at my door because the noise is that bad.

Even though I know getting upset doesn't do anything to calm anyone down, I'm growing ever more frustrated inside. I just want it to stop. I want Michael to get a hold of himself. In my mind a spanking will exercise a certain "shock" to him that may get his attention, but I know that it will pour only gallons of gasoline on the fire I'm desperate to extinguish.

How do you calm a kid down? Really, only they can do it! You can distract them with laughter, but even that was only a hold off for not more than a minute before he succumbed to his own emotions again. There is no off switch from the outside. They have to choose to be calm.

So you know what I did? I prayed.

Not a quiet-to-myself sort of prayer, but I wanted Michael to know I was praying. I made the sign of the cross, and spoke slowly and in very simple words. I prayed to Jesus to help us be good (me included so I don't do lose my temper!); I prayed to the Holy Spirit to fill us with gentleness, kindness, patience, joy and peace; and I asked our guardian angels to pray for us and help us be good and put good thoughts in our heads.

And you know what happened?

Of course you do.

It worked. Michael instantly calmed down, relaxed and started smiling and he has remained that way ever since, hours after the chaos. (Matthew too, by the way, but that makes sense since he was only following Michael's cues).

Now, if religion is just in people's heads, tell me how a toddler possibly could have responded in that way. He couldn't possibly just resort to being calm because of some psychological trick. He is not capable of that! He really, truly changed his disposition. Completely.

He wasn't just changing in response to me. Honestly, I was actually calm the whole time, despite all the tantrums. I'm learning that is the only thing I can do is remain calm and wait for him to wind down. So it's not like I was crazy and then I suddenly calm down because I prayed.

Honestly, I couldn't help but laugh. Laugh at how easy that all was, laugh at how I should have done that a lot sooner, and laugh at what a beautiful favor God granted me.

I know that this isn't magic. And I know that these moments of dealing with tantrums are part of my own refinement and sanctification, so it's not like I will never experience a tantrum again or that praying will always instantly take them away. But I do know that God always answers prayers, so whether it is in the form of calming the kids, or just giving me more patience, I know that I really do need to pray as a first resort and not when I'm all out of options.

But it really did show me, yet again, of not only the real presence of God, but also His real concern for even our most trivial trials, and the religious sensitivity and purity of a child who is so responsive to God's work of grace. Michael responded instantly and was filled with an inexplicable peace. It really goes to show how close children are to God and how much He loves and cares for them and uses them as a mirror for His love for all of us.

How many times do i throw my own tantrums at God for this that and the other. How many times am I just as petty over my own things as Michael is over his spilled Cheerios. How many times do I forget that God is our loving Father who knows what is best for me, even when I don't agree and throw my own tantrum like Michael who forgets that I know what's best for him.

Anyways, let the skeptics say what they will, but no one could doubt the power of God in my living room today to so instantly and effectively change our little situation.

Let me have recourse to Him sooner and more often!

Brother Time

Things Matthew Loves

Playing with his music table.




Stealing remote controls.



Taking baths.



Driving at the park.



Making Friends.

Eating Cake.

Avoiding the Paparazzi.



Soaking in the Sun.



Turning 1!!
(thanks Michelle for the cute hat!)

Matthew is quite the busy boy! He loves babbling on and on and on....He can clearly say "Dada" "Mama" "Jesus" "Cheese" "Ball" "Doggie" "Duckie" and "Cracker." He also has been witnessed by several saying the word "Airwolf" but that phenomenon has not been repeated as of yet.

Matthew LOVES helicopters just about as much as his brother. He plays with the toy helicopters almost as attentively as his brother, but especially loves the real ones he sees in the sky. He will screech and babble, and squeal with delight when he sees one.

Matthew cruises around the room holding onto furniture, and really wants to walk but is still pretty unstable on his own.

He loves to cuddle and will spontaneously just come up and put his head on my knees or will pull up and put his head on my shoulder and just give me a hug.

He's a busy boy and often seems like sitting still is not an option. This makes going to Mass especially difficult at times, but it is a learning process and one we are confident he will learn.

He loves his brother and wants to be where he is, but often has a tense relationship. Matthew likes to take Michael's things and doesn't understand why that's bothersome, but is nonetheless the brunt of Michael's pushes, football tackles, and occasional hits.

Despite these learning processes, though, it is clear the brothers love each other and look out for each other like no other:



If Matthew drops his water, Michael will advocate for him, "Water Mamoo!"



How they love one another!!

Funny Little Sayings...

Being around a toddler produces many opportunities for chuckles. Sometimes the banter becomes a little predictable and while it still makes me smile, it's not laugh-out-loud funny all the time.

However, today Michael came up with a new one that made me laugh. After naptime I came in the room and asked if he had a good nap. He proceeded to do his sleepy-head routine which consists of lounging in his bed, sitting up, then falling back down, rolling in his bed, not wanting to get up.

I asked him, "Do you like your bed?"

and he immediately responded, "Like my bed? It's nice and comfy!"

Caught Ya' Mom!

Reading a Magazine at the Airport

...and Matthew in the background.

I like this shot.

New Layout....

...Equals bigger pictures!!

A Picture I like.

More Helicopters...except different

I know the past few posts have had to deal with Helicopters. I'm not the obsessed one, honest...

But, hey, if you heard that word as often in the day as I do, you'd understand why it's on the brain a little bit.

But this post isn't about helicopters, as it is a style of parenting I just read about last night called, "helicopter parenting." Basically, it's where the parent "hovers" around the kid and micromanages his life.

This is a pejorative term used by the opponents of its approach and is often accompanied by stern warnings of kids who will end up being dependent, unable to fend for themselves, spoiled, and overall incompetent. It's scorned as a result of a middle-to-high-class lifestyle, and is often the bane of school teachers and administration due to the parents' over-involvement, meddling and controlling tendencies.

When I looked at some of the characteristics of a helicopter parent, I began to see some similarities to me...I mean, I keep an eye on my kids. I try to attend to my activities that don't involve them during the nap or bedtimes as much as possible so I can play with them when they are up, I am protective and plan to continue to be protective of what they watch and who their friends are...and I'm not terribly fond of leaving them with other people who aren't family, especially if they are awake (if it's just a sitter to stay in the apartment while they sleep, I don't really care who it is, so long as they know how to dial a phone, exit a burning building, or put a pacifier in a kid's mouth).

There is just no way I am not a helicopter parent according to some of these definitions! Of course, I don't intend to fight all my kids battles for them...I want them to be independent, I want them to be self-sufficient, to have adventures, to have friends and experiences and all the like...and I certainly want them to be able to live like a responsible adult when the time comes....but I really don't see how, at least for a majority of their childhood and formative years, I don't want to be really closely involved in their influences.

I mean, the fact that we are even considering homeschooling must make me SUPER helicopter-like, right? Talk about parental involvement!

I understand some of the negative consequences of being too smothering (being closely associated with a school and hearing some of the stories of young adults who can't seem to act like it!) makes me aware of wanting to equip my kids with the ability to make good choices on their own and not just because I am watching.

Yet in these articles against helicopter parenting, I can't help but detect a little smack of "anti-kid-ness" going on. You know, parents should let their do their own thing, not bother their teachers with suggestions on how to parent their unique child, let them watch what they want to watch and not feel the need to discuss it with them if it merits it, and kids should leave their parents' home at 18. I just detect in these critiques of "hovering" there is this sense that they are burdens and in the way of their parents' normal life.

In fact, one article talked about helicopter-parent burnout and how this has led to an increase in divorces because the couples don't have anytime for each other because they are busy hovering over their kids....and it identifies Moms as having decreased levels of happiness because they don't want to work, or don't want to have friends because of their responsibilities to their children.

And I think, maybe these parents just happen to like spending time with their kids...is that even a possibility? Maybe the parents aren't trying to smother or dominate (I know there are parents like that), but maybe the parents that are being labeled snidely as "helicopter parents" just care, and actually enjoy watching their kids grow up.

Does it make me a helicopter parent because I find it more interesting to watch my kids play and want to play with them, rather than watch TV so the kids can have some "unsmothered independent time?" When I dropped Michael off at a child-care room....two doors down from where I was attending a meeting, does it make me an unwise parent because I missed watching him play and was curious how he was interacting with other kids and that was probably much more interesting than the talk I was hearing at that time?

Maybe it does....but maybe I just like to watch them grow...and the thought of homeschooling is not so much because I have to protect them from the outside world...but more because I will miss my kids for 6 hours a day and I want to be an integral part of their knowledge of the world around them.

Maybe it makes me a helicopter parent because I care what they watch and I want them to be able to correctly process this world, with it's inextricable mix of the good and the bad. Maybe I want them to think critically about things and analyze them with me until I know they can have the right perspective.

Maybe I am like a helicopter, because the culture in many ways is so messed up that if I don't watch out for my kids, it's no longer possible to just presuppose that my neighbor will. If Tyra Banks can have a 15 year old girl appear on her show in front of a captive audience and talk about all her most intimate indiscretions, with no regard for that girl's future, her reputation, or even care about getting her mother's consent, why should I assume that our culture is oriented enough towards the good and upright to help me out. In many cases, people do look out for the good of each other, but in others, they either don't care, or want to pervert even the little ones (see the girls section of your local department stores for examples of sexy-fying the innocent..yuck!). Isn't there reason to assume now, unlike years past where there was a keener sense of decency and the common good, that others aren't looking out for my kids, so I better step it up even more? I think so.

So these critiques of helicopter parents may have some grounding, since there is a good deal of young adults who just seem pretty inept at taking care of things, but no doubt it goes too far. Because the sort of people they are labeling as helicopter parents may just love our kids, enjoy their company, enjoy the vocation we have to raise them, and don't want to leave it up to chance--or some other stronger more domineering influence like secular culture--that they get formed right.

Small Talk

Michael has always been both very talkative at home AND very shy in public.

People often ask if he is talking yet, and we are surprised because Michael talks about lots of things, usually in full sentences but just doesn't feel like putting on a show of his skills in front of people unless he is familiar with them.

Within the past week or so, Michael has engaged in a form of small talk with people, even ones he doesn't know well, or strangers he meets at the park.

Do you know what the first thing he'll say to them is?

"Helicopters."

The next thing he'll say is,

"High in the sky."

If he gets a suitable response, he'll continue on,

"Jets are loud!" and then he'll move back to "Helicopters...is it spinning?"

He will continue this loop for however long his conversation partner is willing. There will be no context for the conversation, he'll just jump right into it as if that's something people normally talk about out of the blue with no prompting or if they've been having an ongoing conversation about helicopters and jets.

What's so funny about it to me, is that 1) it's just such a little boy thing to do...and to have constantly on his mind.

2) He is so conversational at home with a wide variety of topics..."Did you have a good nap?" "What you are you doing Mommy?" "Let's go for a walk." "Do you want to play?" "Where is Mommy's phone...is it in bedroom? How about Mommy and Daddy's room?" "Michael likes the iTouch. Where did it go? I'll give it to you after prayer time." "It's dinner time! Let's go get Minnie. She's huuuunnnnngry!! Minnie can sit in Daddy's chair next to helicopter."

It's just so amusing that he wants to talk, but has one real subject that is safe for him in public, "Helicopters." Maybe it's the new "Nice weather we're having."

Perhaps next time I'm in a social situation where I don't know what to say, I might forego the usual and take a page out of Michael's book and just throw the word "Helicopters" out there and see how that goes for me....

Helicopter Drunk

We took the kids to the air show a few weeks back....

Oh my goodness....

Michael was staggering around he didn't even know what to do with himself.

Face to face with REAL. LIVE. HELICOPTERS!!!

He even got to sit in one

(we asked him if he wanted to get down after several minutes of being there and said, "No." Matter of factly. We eventually took him down because other kids wanted a turn.

He also got to sit in the cockpit of a jet.

And we saw parachuters coming down from the sky....

And more helicopters.....

And Michael like to fly his jets in unison with the real ones.

But then the "big guns" came out so to speak and the air show got a little bit sonic.

Let's put it this way. I was watching the runway and saw a jet streaking across (not that far from us!) and was in awe at how fast it was moving, and that it was so incredibly silent! "Hmm...I thought to myself. I wonder if that's what stealth is."

Um. No.

It's just that the sound took a few seconds to catch up.

And the boys were a little scared. Or a lot scared. :(

So we left after the air show was bombarded with more jets, bombs, explosions and the like (so cool...maybe we'll ditch the kids next year and go on our own!)

But Michael is still talking about it to this day. "Helicopters! Jets! They were loud. Don't be scared."

I love having boys.