Because This May Be the Last Time...

It has been a tradition in our family for many years to go on a vacation or trip of some sort. It started the year my sister left for college and we planned a big trip to take her there. We were so excited and cherished it greatly because it was going to be our "last ever family vacation." We knew that life gets hectic, and who knows if we would all be in a place where we would be able to take a vacation together again....college, jobs, we would go off and have families of our own, etc. We were all consciously sentimental about it all.

Of course, not too far in the future, even likely the next year, we had another vacation together, and called it the Second Annual Last Ever Family Vacation....of course because next year for sure we would be too busy to take this time off together, and then of course after that we would have still more school, jobs, we would go off and have families of our own, etc.

Well, the Second Annual turned into the Third Annual, into the Fourth Annual, and thankfully as you loyal readers know we just celebrated our 10th (or whatever, we lost count) Annual Last Ever Family Vacation and we are scheming for ideas for the next one, God willing.

I always liked that we called it what we did. It represented a certain sense of, "enjoy every minute...savor it, don't take it for granted because you may never do this again." Now, even though we do have our own families, we see more than ever the importance of making sure to plan these things together so our kids grow close to each other and, even if we have to hop on an airplane to do it, we take time out to stay connected.

This sense of savoring it has really been front and center in my mind lately. Michael is only two. Matthew is not even one. Our kids are hardly grown up, but already and on a daily basis, I have this overwhelming sense of, "enjoy every minute...savor it, don't take it for granted..."

Every night before we go to bed, I feed Matthew so he can last through the night. He is very tired...not even really awake. He falls asleep on my lap and I let him stay there for awhile after he is done eating because I know that in the not-t0o-distant, the last time I do that is coming.

The last time I can hold him while he is asleep in my arms, offering no more resistance than a sack of potatoes is coming. I know this because I can't remember the last time Michael fell asleep on my lap. That "last time" has passed and I am not sure I can even think up a scenario where Michael would do that again.

Michael Sr and I are constantly reminding ourselves to live up every moment because, even though these "lasts" give way to plenty of "firsts" (first steps, first words, first jokes, first baseball games, first slumber party with the cousins, etc), saying goodbye to these very precious moments brings a little heartache...and partly because you don't always know when it will be the last time.

When will Michael stop coming to me and his Daddy to "fix it" when he hurts himself? Or when will he stop making up hurts, just to steal a kiss without having to ask for a kiss, because, I can't imagine why on earth Michael's "hair hurts" and needs Daddy to "fix it" over and over again at the dinner table.

When will it actually be the last time Michael asks to "help Mommy" complete this or that task...which sometimes his help takes more time and clean up than if I do it myself, especially when I'm trying to get somewhere at a certain time....but, what if that is the last time he asks and I told him "no, not right now." I may have lost my last chance to see him beam with pride for helping and get excited that he got to pour his own water, or water the plants, or throw that piece of paper in the trash.

How many times do we have left of holding the boys during Mass before they get too old, or before they give way to other kids we hold while they grow big enough to stand on their own.

How many times will read that story about the tow truck or about Mickey before bed before they don't want stories before bed anymore?

Sometimes, the total dependency of little ones can be a bit draining. And while I'm in the thick of it, I "can't wait until..." they can do this on their own, or before they learn this. Even though that is understandable, I am nonetheless wishing the hastening of a few "last times" along the way. Those last times are necessary. Certain things must come to an end, but it would be sad to think some of those things came and went and were not savored and cherished along the way.

There is profound truth to our Lord's teaching that we "know not the day or the hour"....and while He was speaking of more important things than sleeping babies or kisses on the head, the wisdom certainly translates to the microcosm of parenting. I don't know how fast their own independence and growth will bring these "last times" to my doorstep before they are swooped off into colleges, jobs, and families of their own. I can't stop it, nor should I even want to...but I can fill each of these times with as much love as possible so that when that "last time" does come, each and every time was filled with love and gratitude.

So maybe getting all sentimental about the "last diaper" of theirs I'll change is a bit much, but an awareness of how fast this time will go does make some of the things that can wear you down not only bearable, but maybe even a little special.

I may not know the last time when it actually happens, but if I take enough mental snapshots, or consciously strive to cherish each moment, that last time will get caught up too and will not pass without the love that is due.