Our Family

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Confusing Anniversary

Yesterday, April 22, was the anniversary of when I delivered baby Gabriel.

It wasn't a terribly emotional day...It was definitely on my mind. We had Mass offered for him (it was even in the bulletin which I kept), Michael got me flowers, I made a cake, and though we pray for the repose of his soul each night at prayers, we made special mention of it during mealtime grace too.

But it was more of a somewhat confusing anniversary. Not bad confusing, but that sort of confusing that makes you realize that God has a plan that includes both cross and resurrection. It makes you glad for joy, but also glad for the suffering without which the joy wouldn't be possible.

Molly is here. Gabriel was here for much shorter of a time. Without suffering the loss of Gabriel, there would be no Molly. I don't rejoice in losing one, but I rejoice at having the other. Certainly contradictions abound in my head, but it is resolved in knowing that each span of life is measured according to God's will be it short or long. Gabriel had (and still has as our prayer warrior) an irreplaceable role in our family and that was how he was to play that role...and now Molly has her role. And though there can be suffering, God can make the suffering work for good.

It's been a year, but our little one who has gone before us is still close to our heart and we hope we are close to his!