It has been over six months now since I've been juggling two kids.
Honestly, the adjustment wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Granted, it was a little frustrating at the first part when Matthew would wake up and need to be fed and be up just long enough that going back to sleep wasn't really an option for me before Michael needed to get up...yeah that was tough.
But now that, generally speaking, most of the sleeping issues have stabilized and we have far more good nights, only a handful of early mornings and almost no truly rough nights to speak of, I have to say that the adjustment from one to two wasn't too bad at all.
It is so surprising how different these two boys are. I knew even before Matthew was born that he was just a different personality, but there really isn't a day that passes that I don't notice what a contrast in their dispositions. Michael is definitely a go-getter with lots of ideas about how things should be, and Matthew is very go-with-the-flow. Matthew is kind of floppy (legs are kind of gumby-like still) whereas Michael was much more rigid at this age...and was even standing holding on to things.
I know better than to compare too much, of course, but it's so funny how they really are their own unique person. I really appreciate that there is so much of a person's personality that really is just their nature!
And each of their personailities is so essential for us now. Michael makes me a better mom because he keeps me from becoming too selfish or complacent in my role. He makes me aware of what I do, say, and how I do it because he absorbs everything and echoes it back. Michael is very determined and feels like his personality just shot out of a cannon and says "Hello world, here I come!" Michael knows what he wants and needs and doesn't let any responsibility of mine go undone. Matthew is so easy going, if it weren't for Michael, it would be easy for me to be a bit of a slacker. :)
Matthew teaches me to enjoy the smiles and the simple things..every one of them. Stopping to spend time just interacting with the kids is so vital...Matthew's constant smile is a reminder that other things can hold off for a while and if I'm tired or cranky, stopping to enjoy a smile from either of the kids goes a long way to readjusting my perspective. Matthew is so much in awe of the people in his life, specifically Michael Sr. and Michael Jr..it's so great to see him love being loved on!
One thing I have learned, though, that with two, there is this "feedback loop" as I call it. Especially depending on the amount of sleep I get, it can be a dangerous trap to get caught in. What I mean by that is that I'll get set off by one thing or another (so-and-so was cranky, so and so is fussy, so-and-so isn't cooperating, so-and-so isn't sleeping) and that sets me up to be much less patient with the other kid, even if that kid wasn't the initial "culprit", I have less patience with him too and even small offenses of the other one get magnified in my mind. I have often caught myself feeling exasperated with one, and then when the other one does something, it's like, they aren't starting from a clean slate..they are somehow also guilty of the other one's offense too and my response to the other one isn't just mild frustration, but frustration times two!
It's a nasty beast that feedback loop...and then when the first one does something else that exasperates me after the second one built upon the first one's original "offense" then I'm like, TRIPLE frustrated...so the first one hasn't just done something twice, but gets the full-force of my frustration as if he had done something three times!
Anyways, I sometimes catch myself in the loop and calm down and a) realize they are just babies and b) realize that I have to try to deal with them individually instead of letting the frustration build on each other and c)I probably should learn to be less frustrated no matter who's doing what how many times, my being frustrated or short-tempered isn't going to make the problem any better. Sometimes, though, I mull around in the loop far too long.
The other minor "problem" is getting out of the house with two. I feel like there is SO MUCH of the day when someone needs to be eating or sleeping, that I have two very small windows in which to accomplish things like shopping or other errands. I mean, they are both very good out in public, and can't recall too many instances yet where I've had a problem, but I try to be respectful of Matthew's need to sleep more; and Michael's mealtimes and nap/quiet time and I just personally prefer to feed Matthew at home rather than out and about...so all-in-all, that leaves little slivers of the day when going out isn't going to be too disruptive. And boy, the wind-up to those times is intense: get me ready, get diapers changed, shoes and socks on, pack up snacks, gather keys, diaper bag, Michael's toy-of-the-day that he MUST have in the car with him or else the world will fall apart, etc. It just makes going places feel like big ordeals. Can't imagine those who do it with three or four or more kids! It must be crazy!
The biggest joy, however, among these minor frustrations, is seeing the two kids interact. Matthew LOVES his brother. He is constantly vying for his attention and just loves to look at him, grab him if he's in reach, and smile.
Michael, too, really loves his brother. He asks me to put Matthew in his bed with him in the morning so he can spend time next to him; he loves having him at the dinner table with him, and he just loves playing together, even if that means Michael has to play gently and share. He becomes such a gentle, kind, generous little boy whenever Matthew is involved...it really is the highlight of my day when I see it.
Just the other day, I had Matthew on the floor in their room, and Michael was still in his bed, and Michael kept saying "Michael's bed! Michael's bed!" and pointing to Matthew. I put Matthew in Michael's bed, and Michael laid down next to him, and kept kissing his head and trying to give him his pacifier. It was really sweet. He just wanted to be with his brother.
I know I'll keep adding more thoughts to this, because it's something I am constantly reflecting upon and there are new joys about having two everyday that I discover...so if I have the time and the energy, I'll pop on by and keep you updated!
