Our Family

So Michael has been working on potty training for months now. Months. The #1 part he really does have down no problem. He'll tell us when he has to go and can manage everything in the process well with little assistance.

It's the #2 stuff that we are continually struggling with. Really struggling. If I were smart, I'd keep a journal, because something tells me there is a pattern here. Sometimes, Michael has his "business" to do in the afternoon, for which there has been no problem going in the toilet because we always have him sit on the toilet before nap time, and he goes during that time.

But a few days a week, Michael's business schedule leads him to have to go in the morning. Usually between 9-10. It's these morning business transactions that are constantly causing problems. It's these times that he always just goes in his underwear. Sometimes it's just a beginning installment, sometimes he empties his accounts.

Today, my frustration with this on-going problem was compounded, when taking off his soiled underwear, he managed to step in it, trailing it all over the bathroom rug.

Oh. The new bathroom rug I might add.

I put him on the toilet and left him there to finish his business while I attended to other matters, which included making a sandwich. (After using the word "toilet" and "sandwich" in the same sentence, I must add how thoroughly I washed my hands in between the two activities).

Perhaps in my flurry of frustration over the toilet incident, I mishandled the mayonnaise jar (after it was open, of course) and upon hitting the floor, it glopped mayonaise all over the kitchen floor....You can imagine my state of mind at this point in the day.

After remedying the current problem of continence, condiments, and confidence (with wet wipes, a gaggle of napkins, and a Starbucks drink, respectively), I conducted some extensive research on the problem (e.g. I googled "my three year old keeps pooping his pants") and am finding I am not alone in the mothering community with this problem.

Some of the solutions include:
1) Just wait until they grow into greater control of their muscles and the problem will solve itself.
2) Doctors sometimes prescribe laxatives to help kids who have on-going struggles with this (does this not seem like a bad idea to anyone else??)
3) "Just watch him better" (point taken. There have been a few occasions when I have been doing other things and he's been playing in his room quietly--a little too quietly I later discover--but other times it happens when I'm sitting right in front of him asking if he has to go on the toilet to which he responds "No" only to do his business right in front of me...boy if that isn't the most frustrating ever).

Never mind my own solution which I thought was going to be a quick remedy to the problem: have him wash out his own poopy underwear. Unfortunately, he is quite taken with the process of scrubbing, washing, rinsing, and wringing out his underpants that it no longer serves as much of a deterrent.

So, I pose the question to anyone out there: Any experience with this? What methods, if any go towards solving this problem?

Oh....the little Michael.

He turned three today!

Michael is a joy and a wonder. He is a thoughtful, pensive little boy with more drive and determination than sometimes even I can handle. One thing about Michael: he knows who he is and he knows what he likes.

This makes Michael both easy and challenging. Easy because there is not a lot of guess work that has to go into things that will be a hit with Michael or things that will be a flop. Challenging because it can be difficult (nay, impossible) to distract him if what he wants is not presently available.

Michael is incredibly reasonable most of the time with a few sparks of pure, raw, irrational, emotion that come and go. He is passionate and can throw his entire self into his feelings, whether they are happy or sad.

Michael is a tease. If he feel like a certain answer is expected, he will purposefully give the wrong answer. Imagine going to a 3-year-old check up with the doctor asking him certain baseline questions to see if he is reaching his intellectual milestones. Does Michael like to perform? Absolutely not. And when he is expected to answer questions like his name, whether he is a boy or a girl, or how old he is, etc...imagine his delight in giving the absolute wrong answer every time.

Do I tell the doctor: Ok, despite what you are witnessing, not only does he know his name, but he can spell his name. Not only does he know that he's a boy, but he knows if every member of his family and friends are a boy or a girl. Not only does he know his age, but he knows his brother's age, his dad's age, his mom's age (shhh! don't ask him!) and how old everyone will be on their next birthday.

Do I ask the doctor if he's "keeping up" with his peers by knowing every letter of the alphabet, its sound, how to sound out phonetic words, and with a reading vocabulary of at least a hundred words....by two and a half years old? Or would that just sound desperate?

And when she asks him to draw a line, a circle and a "+" and all he does is scribble mindlessly on the page, do I take out my phone and show her the picture of the helicopter he draws on a regular basis:

Do I fall into the trap of parental insecurity, desperately trying to prove that Michael is being nurtured and is developing atleast normally?

No. I keep my Michael our little family secret and I smile knowing that he's just teasing.

...On Matthew
Michael loves his little brother and Michael relishes that he is the big brother. Sure, it's true that Michael can be pretty rough on him (we are currently going through a "don't-poke-out-Matthew's-eye" phase, and yes, he does get wildly jealous and feels mighty entitled when Matthew has a toy he feels he should have, but all in all, he loves his brother. He loves to make Matthew laugh, he loves to lead him into temptation, and he loves to tell him what to do. Often as Michael instructs Matthew, I hear echoes of my own words, and tones in how I instruct Michael. That's not always a good thing, but I do appreciate hearing how I must sound to him so I can be a little more gentle in the future.

....On Daddy
Daddy is still Michael's #1. He has special games he plays just with his dad and a few weeks ago, Michael Sr decided to treat Michael Jr as his teddy bear and ever since then, Michael has relished that special position as being Daddy's "heddy bear." He loves being cuddled, and he plays a funny game where Michael Sr pretends to be asleep, and Michael Jr will stick toys in his hands and then run away giggling as his dad pretends to wake up all shocked that the toys are there. It pains Michael to away from his dad for any amount of time. He will tell him, nearly every day, "You don't have to go to work" and on the days when Michael doesn't have to work, he is attached to him like glue, and wants his dad to do everything with him and for him. Only Daddy can take him out of his car seat, only Daddy can take him to the potty, only Daddy can put him down for his nap.

....On Mommy
Mommy and Michael have a special relationship too. Michael spontaneously gushes to me, "I love you so very much" over and over again. He will be pouring out thanks for any little thing I did for him that day, "Thank you for a special lunch" (chicken nuggets? Special? Ok...). He will come and give me spontaneous hugs and kisses and be particularly concerned that I get a little nap in if I'm feeling tired....and all in all, just a darling, kind, little son.

That's not to see that we always see things the same way, or that we don't sometimes just have to come toe-to-toe and I have to relinquish the gentle nurturer role and adopt the firm law-giver role, but, to be honest, the past week or so has seen much less of that and much more instances of guidance and explaining on my part, rather than mandates and discipline, and I like that much better.

Michael doesn't miss anything about anything. He pays attention to your conversation even if you don't think he is. He observes everything, whether if it's in the car, or if something just seems a little different or out of place.

He can be a little OCD at times, having to have things in a particular order, in a particular way, and has been known to remind me that something isn't quite clean enough.

He surprises me. I didn't want to enter the "threes" with that silly pacifier still around. I tried everything the experts say to try and get rid of it gradually but that wasn't working. So one day I just said, "We're saying bye-bye" and that's what happened. I expected Armageddon, and instead got utter compliance without a word of complaint.

Sure, every once in a while he take one of Matthew's and take a few puffs on it for old times sake. I know he misses it and I know if I were to give it back to him, he'd take it in a heartbeat, but he stepped in line and that was the that. No battles, just compliance.

He is potty-trained with about 90% accuracy. He still has his mistakes, but so far, never in public and it's usually not a full mistake, but just didn't quite tell me about it in time, but he knows to stop before it gets worse. We went through a few weeks where I was just dying. I hated potty training and he wasn't too thrilled about it either, and then one day, I looked around and realized it had been days since there was an accident and we were no longer fighting about going to the toilet. So, all of a sudden, he just got into the rhythm and we overcame that hurdle too.

He loves water activities of all kinds, though it's been a while since I have taken him into a pool. I just haven't gotten around to swimming lessons this year, but may try to do it before the summer ends.

He loves getting people wet, but remains pretty cautious himself before throwing himself into it:

He loves helicopters still, but car washes have definitely taken over as his true obsession. He even asked for a car wash cake, which I managed to pull together with some help from family:

I'll admit it. I'm proud of it. When he first got the idea for a car wash cake, I was hoping he would forget about it because I didn't have any clue how to pull it together, but he was fixated on the concept, so it became a reality and he was very appreciative of it. At bedtime after he had his cake he said spontaneously, "Thank you so much for my cake, Mommy." My heart did, in fact, melt.

Michael is a perfect first child. He is a trailblazer, guinea pig, and he definitely gives me plenty of opportunities where I realize how much I need to grow. But he is forgiving of my mistakes, he is understanding, kind, and compassionate.

I love him so much and can't imagine life without him.

Happy Birthday, Michael!